The Worst Story Ever
by BwaBwaimagoat
Summary: This is my experiment... AU Alfred/Arthur, Uncle Sam, stuff, and the author's bad humor


A/N: This was suppose to be about Alfred forcing Arthur to go to Uncle Sam's Bingo Tournament with him and watch Sam point at things like a –coughrapistcough- weirdo. But it turned into this pile of shit. Enjoy, because I know I did. ಠ ಠ

Edit 7/14/11: I fixed some mistakes I found. Might've added a thing here or there… Tell me if you see anything else, please?

Warning: Some cursing courtesy of me and maybe Arthur at some point, my crappy humor and Uncle Sam.

Disclaimer: I'm quite sure I don't own anything here.

~ Bingo! ~

Arthur Kirkland was eight years old when he had first met Alfred F. Jones. He had just moved to the states from England with his family.

He could admit in all honesty that at first he had absolutely loathed the boy with the bright blue eyes and the brighter personality.

He could never understand why exactly the American boy always insisted on annoying him. Nobody else could either. Not with Arthur's nasty temper and intimidating eyebrows, the complete opposite with his own sweet as sugar personality and adorable obliviousness.

But it wasn't surprising that after awhile he didn't hate the lad as much as he claimed and did in fact enjoy his company to some extent. Though he swore he would never tell him that willingly of course.

Alfred was just somebody one couldn't help but like.

Yet at the same time nobody could deny that he was indeed a strange one. It was the one thing he possibly had in common with Arthur.

Both boys were strange. But it was unclear as to what influenced them to be the way they were.

Alfred pretended to be a log or fight aliens; Arthur talked to faeries and unicorns.

It just couldn't be understood as to why he was so out there when his younger bother so… Normal. Quiet, unusually so, but normal compared to Alfred.

However, Arthur believed he finally figured it out when he went to stay the night at the other boy's house for the first time.

Knocking on the door politely, Arthur waited for someone to answer the door.

After a moment he thought he heard a crash before the door opened to reveal an overly excited Alfred.

The way the blue-eyed boy was wiggling around made Arthur think that maybe he had to use the restroom.

" Hiya Artie! Did ya find the house alright?" He smiled brightly as he grabbed the smaller boy by the arm and pulled him into the house.

"Yes, we found it just fine, Alfred. Please let go." The green-eyed boy rubbed his arm where he was sure he would have a hand shaped bruise later.

"Awsome! Come on I'll show ya my room and you can meet Tony!" The American explained, happy to finally show Arthur his pet hamster.(1)

Arthur remembered that Alfred had told him once that Tony was an alien hamster from Mars. He also remembered telling Alfred that, "If Tony is from Mars, then I'm the Tooth-fairy and I steal baby teeth for a living."

He was so excited he literally skipped to his room with the other boy following behind at a slower, nervous pace. He wanted to tell the other to slow down but didn't say anything seeing as it wasn't his home and it would be rude to order around his host.

"Hurry Arthur!" Alfred cried impatiently bouncing up and down in the doorway of his room.

" I'm coming, just give me a moment! (2)" Arthur snapped stomping his way over to his overly enthusiastic friend.

Dragging him into the blue walled room, Alfred ran over to a small, yet colorful, cage and shoved his hand through one of the cage doors.

Arthur dropped his bag by the bed, it had a solar system themed comforter covering it haphazardly and the pillows with matching cases were thrown all over.

"Look at 'im Artie!" Alfred ordered holding a furry ball of squirming hamster in the other boy's face.

" Calm down, Alfred." He muttered looking at the gray hamster that was now sniffing at him curiously.

" Wanna hold him?" Alfred asked smiling brightly.

Arthur nodded shyly, holding out his hands when his friend held his hands out to him.

Dropping his pet into the smaller hands carefully, he watched Arthur hold onto it cautiously. His smile grew brighter when the smaller boy smiled happily and cooed at the little bundle.

" Alfred!" A gruff voice snapped from the doorway.

Arthur squealed when Tony decided he didn't like this new boy and bit his thumb while Alfred shrieked in panic. He turned around and spotted his Uncle Sam glaring and pointing at him menacingly.

"Put that thing away and go pick up that mess you made!" He ordered before turning his gray eyes to Arthur and pointed at him just as menacingly. " And who are you?"

The green-eyed boy bit his quivering lip as his eyes began to tear up. Meanwhile, Alfred was chasing Tony around on the floor after Arthur had dropped him in a poor attempt to catch him.

"My name is Arthur Kirkland sir." He said politely.

" Nice to meet you Arthur Kirkland! I'm Alfred's Uncle Sam! Alfred, get the little boy a band-aid!" Uncle Sam ordered pointing at his nephew once more.

"Yes Uncle." Alfred sighed, obviously used to his uncle's weird quirk of pointing and being ordered around.

"Tell the boy dinner will be ready soon, Mr. Kirkland." Uncle Sam ordered Arthur before he stomped away to do whatever it was Uncle Sam's did.

He stood in the middle of the room, Tony, whom Alfred hadn't managed to catch, stared at him with his tiny little black eyes from a corner. He could feel the animosity pouring off the little mammal in waves as his little nose twitched.

Arthur stared back at it warily. He moved closer to the little fuzz-ball, slowly as to not startle him into running, and swooped down to capture him quick and efficiently.

Running to the cage and chucking the pet inside he breathed a sigh of relief.

" Hey Artie! Is your thumb okay?" Alfred asked as he walked in a moment later with band-aids.

The other boy nodded nervously and Alfred smiled happily.

"That's good, and hey you caught Tony for me! Thanks!" He observed hugging the other boy affectionately. (3)

" It was no problem." Arthur grumbled as his cheeks flushed a deep red.

"Artie you always get so red!" Alfred teased slapping the other boy's back.

The green-eyed boy glared angrily, crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. "Shut up!"

But his friend continued to laugh even as he wrapped up the injured thumb with a polar bear band-aid.

"Dinner!" They both looked over at the door, and both could imagine Sam pointing at something as he called for them.

"Does your uncle always point at people like that when he's talking?" Arthur asked shyly.

Alfred nodded sympathetically, "Yeah, but only when he's really worked up about something."

They went to dinner and had Mac and Cheese with Hotdogs. (4)

The rest of the night they played with Alfred's toys and Tony the hamster till they fell asleep on the bed, tangled in the sheets.

Over the years they stayed over at each other's house often and Arthur learnt that Alfred and his uncle weren't the only strange ones. Even the previously proclaimed normal Matthew proved to have some quirks.

His mother enjoyed air-drying naked after a long relaxing shower in their backyard during the warmer months. Something Arthur had been witness to more than once, scarring his innocent mind for years much to Alfred's amusement.

His father enjoyed reenacting wars with little toy soldiers and creating battlefields in their basement while making gun and explosion noises. The boys would sometimes watch or even participate sometimes. Alfred and Arthur usually reenacting the revolution much to the English boy's chagrin.

Uncle Sam's pointing and shouting had long become normal to them. Though the man also enjoyed dramas and sometimes cried and yelled at the television. The boy's rarely ever stayed in the room during his soaps.

Once when they had accompanied him to a bingo tournament, Sam had stood, pointed at the announcer in the intimidating way of his and shouted 'Bingo' startling the already nervous young man.

Matthew enjoyed documentaries on maple syrup, Canada, and polar bears. He often talked to his stuffed bear, which he called Kuma, as he forgot its full name more often than not.

Observing this, Arthur had found the reason behind Alfred's strangeness and he couldn't blame him for it.

When they were in their mid-twenties and they had been dating for a few years, Alfred proposed by hanging a fairy figurine from the ceiling over Arthur as while the man was sleeping. The ring had hung from one of its thin little legs.

When they broke the news to his family, Sam stood, pointed at them and sobbed congratulations while all the men in his family bawled like children. His mother didn't shed a tear.

Instead she broke out champagne and celebrated that one of her boys was finally getting hitched.

At their wedding, it was a similar scene, with Arthur's family added into the mix. Alfred had worn the dress when Arthur refused violently; his friends had even been in dresses.

Uncle Sam did the worm in the middle of the dance floor during a slow song.

For their honeymoon, Alfred took them to Florida to get some fresh oranges.

As they years past by and people asked how they could possibly stand each other, the only thing Arthur would ever have to say in response to this question is, " Why the bloody hell does it matter? Mind your own fucking business!"

END!

~ B.I.N.G.O! ~

(1) Alfred seems like one of those kids that had a hamster when he was little, so I decided it would be Tony.

(2) Take that out of context! ಠ ಠ

(3) I always figure Alfred is one of those really over-affectionate people that hug everyone!

(4) This is a meal I had a lot when I was their age. You have no idea how much I loathe hot dogs. But I love Mac & Cheese. It really is a comfort food.

A/N: This (abomination) was about four pages long, people! I'm so fucking proud (and slightly ashamed)! I was on my seventh cup of coffee at three in the morning on a Sunday, had beaten the pokemon league in my platinum for the third time in a row, took a fifteen minute shower, talk to the wall most of my shower, read a few fics, organized my folders and book bag, and messed with the woodstove a few times all while I worked on this. They got married to each other because I said so and I'm the author of the story! I needed some marriage here! Sorry for the craptastic fic. Tell me what you think of it please?

~ I like my coffee delicious, thank you!


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